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主题 : 莱兹伍德166号的五棵树(英译练习)
级别: 创始人
0楼  发表于: 2015-06-07  

莱兹伍德166号的五棵树(英译练习)

管理提醒: 本帖被 孟冲之 从 新诗品 移动到本区(2020-04-11)
2013年的春天很慢 
但陈氏夫妇的动作很快 
布瑞蒂路44号的郁金香和萱草才探出绿茵茵的叶尖 
他们的草坪已插上了‘已售’的标志 
与此同时 
枫树区莱兹伍德166号侧院排成一行的 
两株樱桃、两株杏树、一株梨树 
还在耐心地等待着开花的天气 
它们的主人杰曼夫妇 
已将它们出卖了一次而且不得不再一次出卖 
为此,与陈氏夫妇展开了 
一场旷日持久的拉锯战 
牵涉进去的人还有 
买卖双方的经纪人詹姆斯先生和杰瑞先生 
加拿大帝国银行信贷员伊莉莎.蒂格瑞高丽女士 
房产交易律师柴德先生和霍夫曼先生 
验房师布鲁斯先生 
四月底,最终交易尚未达成 
相关人还在耗费着纸张、墨水、汽油、脑细胞 
气温持续上升 
一场雨后 
莱兹伍德166号的五株树 
在其法律归属关系远未明确之际 
爆发出三堆香雪和两朵胭脂云  

2013-04-29 
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 创始人
1楼  发表于: 2015-06-08  
FIVE TREES
The spring comes very slow
But Chen and his wife work quickly
When tulips and  tawny day lilies just stick out some verdant tips
A "SOLD" sign has been thwacked into the lawn
Of 44 Brady Cres.
Meanwhile
Two cherry trees, two almonds, a pear
Line up in the side yard of 166 Leitzwood Ave
patiently waiting for flowering Weather
Their owners Jermain couple
Have sold them once and have to sell them again
For this reason
A protracted tug of price war
Goes between the two couples
people Involved also include
Broker Mr. James and Mr. Gerry
Canadian Imperial Bank loan officer, Ms. Eliza
Real estate transaction counsel, Mr. Chai and Mr. Hoffman
Home Inspector Mr. Bruce
By the end of April, the final deal has not been reached
Related people still consume the paper, ink, gasoline, and brain cells
Temperatures continue to rise
After the rain
Regardless of their unclear legal attributions
The 5 trees of 166 Leitzswood
Burst out three piles of snow and two rouge clouds

2013-04-29
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 一年级
2楼  发表于: 2015-06-08  
感觉顺的,喜欢。


Are patiently waiting for flowering Weather

不影响理解的情况下,个人认为不是绝对不能省略。
级别: 创始人
3楼  发表于: 2015-06-09  
回 2楼(姜海舟) 的帖子
我想问的是:上一句用“lined up"过去时态,是否合适?用现在时总感觉不对。因为这上一句,下一句若不省略系动词,也感觉不舒服。姜兄请细考量。
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 一年级
4楼  发表于: 2015-06-09  
回 3楼(孟冲之) 的帖子
冲之,当然用现在时态。这样waiting 也通了,成修饰语。 一下子都亮了。
级别: 创始人
5楼  发表于: 2015-06-10  
回 4楼(姜海舟) 的帖子
老兄一说,我心里也亮了。即改。
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 创始人
6楼  发表于: 2015-06-14  
新识近邻扈某


那暮色中匆匆经过我家并和我打了个照面的 
匆匆地追赶着骑自行车戴头盔的男孩的 
黄脸汉 
突然刹住,转过身 
用汉语问道:‘你是中国人?’

2013-09-11
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 创始人
7楼  发表于: 2015-06-14  
A NEW-KNOWN NEIGHBOR
That yellow-faced man
Flashed by my face in the dusk
Hurried to catch up with a biking boy wearing a helmet
He suddenly stopped
And turned around asking me in Chinese
"Are you Chinese?"

2013-09-11
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 创始人
8楼  发表于: 2015-06-15  
知更鸟之死

维多利亚日下午,孩子们雀跃着
把我拉到前院篱笆下。那儿有一只知更鸟
楞头楞脑的,在被我捧住前的瞬间
身子一晃,像坐着瞌睡的老人突然惊醒

它背部麻黑,腹部锈红,左翅上翎毛凋乱
且不能收拢,喙灰白而干燥
在我手心,它微弱地蹬着,漏出一滴细细的鸣叫
……我将它放稳,吩咐孩子别再打扰它

但他们一直忧心忡忡地守护着,不时跑到后园报告:
“我给它一些面包屑,它不吃。”
“我用瓶盖给它盛了点矿泉水,它也不喝”
“我看到两泡稀鸟粪,也许它吃坏了肚子……”

黄昏时他们发现它仰翻在地,但胸脯还在起伏
女儿哼哭着要我将它送往医院
“不过是一只鸟。”我满不在乎似地
以一种“父王”的口气,支撑他们对于悲剧的承受

但儿子紧跟着忙碌的我,不停地追问:
“上帝为什么会让他的造物死亡?”
女儿剥下几瓣郁金香,披在一息尚存的小鸟身上
似乎这样能减轻垂死的痛苦……

次日下班回家,知更鸟早已死在它垂死的地方
我用铁锹将它撩起,埋在园中
两个小人儿忽然忙起来:儿子把一口红砖竖在鸟坟前
作为墓石;女儿在墓石前插上一枝郁金香

然后他们面对鸟坟合掌,弯腰,祈祷,绕圈子
抛撒樱花和草叶。这原始的仪式如此庄重,完美
结束时,他们情不自禁地拥抱,开心地笑起来……
而我,也从中获得了巨大的解放

2011-05-25
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 一年级
9楼  发表于: 2015-06-15  
And turned around to ask me in Chinese

And turned around asking me in Chinese

题目是讲此人,用分词修饰可以更为聚焦此人。仅供老兄参考。
级别: 创始人
10楼  发表于: 2015-06-15  
回 9楼(姜海舟) 的帖子
有道理,而且更简洁。即改。谢谢。
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 创始人
11楼  发表于: 2015-06-18  
A ROBIN'S DEATH
That was Victoria Day afternoon, my kids Kelvin and Lily
pulled me to the front yard, Where there was a robin
staying stiffly under the fence.  before being cupped in my hands
It trembled, like a sitting sleepy elderly suddenly awakened

Black in the back, rust red on the belly, left wing withered
Beak gray and dry......In my hand
It kicked feebly, leaking out a drop of tweet
I put it back on the grass, told my kids not to bother

But they anxiously guarded it, and reported to me again and again
"I gave her some bread crumbs, she doesn't eat."
"I gave her a lid of bottled water, she doesn't drink."
"I saw two watery droppings, maybe she has diarrhea ......"

When the dusk came, they found it upside down on the ground, but heart still beating
Lily cried, begging me sent it to the hospital
"But it's just a bird." I said nonchalantly
In the tone of a  "father ", to brace their bearing for tragedy

But Kelvin followed me all the way, kept asking:
"Why did God let His creatures die?"
Lily peeled some tulip flowers,  draped over the bird
Seemed that could reduce the pain of death ......

The next afternoon, when I came home from work
It was already dead in its dying place. I shoveled it up, buried it in the garden
Two kids suddenly got busy: the boy placed a brick
As a headstone; the girl stuck a tulip in the front  

Facing the bird grave, they closed their palms, bend down, prayed, circled
Threw cherry flowers and grass...... The primitive ceremony was so solemn, perfect
At the end, they can not help but hugged each other, and laughed
From that, I also gained a great relief

2011-05-25
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 一年级
12楼  发表于: 2015-06-18  
拜读。喜欢的。很顺。
级别: 创始人
13楼  发表于: 2015-06-19  
回 12楼(姜海舟) 的帖子
姜兄:下一句有没有问题?
the girl stuck in a tulip front of it

可否省改为:

the girl stuck a tulip in front

仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 总版主
14楼  发表于: 2015-06-19  
在看!
级别: 一年级
15楼  发表于: 2015-06-19  
冲之兄,the girl stuck in a tulip front of it 是有问题(我常常看不清)。

应该:

the girl stuck a tulip in the front

不能用in front,因为这是副词了。
级别: 创始人
16楼  发表于: 2015-06-20  
回 15楼(姜海舟) 的帖子
总感觉不对,你这一改就好了。谢谢。
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 创始人
17楼  发表于: 2015-06-24  
心灵图景

很多时候我冥想自己心灵的样子
但我得不到任何形像,而仅有虚妄与迷惑
如果我把所见一切皆视为心灵的图景
其纷繁变幻会令我更无所适从
近来我假设我的后园就是我的心灵
并积极投身于它的清理、改造和重构
经过多日的努力,它的芜秽与杂乱
终于接受了几何学的规范:
它有一个长方形的篱笆;靠墙
有一片长方形的水泥地;由此向外
是一个正方形草坪;其余分成五个小方块
新植的菜苗排成整齐的平行线
分隔它们的是一些正方形的石板
在院子中央,樱桃树的柱干撑着半个大圆球
两株丝柏,在两角呈现为对称的锥体……
每日起床,或下班回家,我的第一要事
就是来看看这个园子,它的形式、内容以及
具体而微的变化。而当我把整个园子
尽收眼底,似乎真的能够听到
心灵与它重合,所发出的轻柔的感叹

2011-06-07
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 一年级
18楼  发表于: 2015-06-24  
冲之这首写得妙!
级别: 创始人
19楼  发表于: 2015-06-24  
THE PICTURE OF MY MIND
Many times I meditate: how does my mind look like?
But get no images, except false and confusion
If everything I have seen was seen as the the picture of my mind
Its numerous changes would make me more confused
Recently, I have assumed that my back yard is my mind
And actively engaged in its clean-up, rehabilitation and reconstruction
Through many days hard work, it's dirtiness and messiness
Finally accept the specification of geometry:
It has a rectangular fence; Beside the wall
There is a piece of rectangular concrete ground; Thereby outwardly
It is a square lawn; The rest is divided into five small blocks
Newly planted vegetables are arranged in neat parallel lines
And separated by some square slates
In the garden center,a cherry trunk holds up half of a big ball
At its corners, two cypresses  appear as symmetrical cone ......
Every day, I get up, or come home from work, the first thing
Is to look at the garden: its form, contents, and changes.
When the whole garden comes into my eyes
I seem to really be able to hear a gentle sigh
From the garden matching up with my mind

2011-06-07
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 创始人
20楼  发表于: 2015-06-24  
回 18楼(姜海舟) 的帖子
烦姜兄细看译文。时态的运用,以及最后两句的翻译,是我最担心的。另外,心灵这个词,在英文中,有heart , soul ,mind 等等,老兄以为倒底哪个词最合此诗之意?
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 一年级
21楼  发表于: 2015-06-24  
If everything I saw was seen as the the picture of my mind
冲之,此句要用完成时,表示至今为止(并可以继续)——If everything I have seen was seen as the the picture of my mind

Recently, I assume that my back yard is my mind
"Recently" 修饰,要用完成时,一段时间, 也正好契合And actively engaged in ——Recently, I have assumed that my back yard is my mind

Every day, I get up, or come home from work, my first thing需改——Every day, when I get up, or come home from work, my first thing 或Every day, I get up, or come home from work, the first thing (否侧不通)

heart (强调内心), soul(灵魂,死后还在) ,mind(强调内在心智)spirit (灵魂,强调和肉体的区别)——所以我用soul

仅供参考。
级别: 创始人
22楼  发表于: 2015-06-25  
回 21楼(姜海舟) 的帖子
姜兄,大为受教。谢谢!关键词,我觉得可能还是mind 更合我的需要。灵魂是个总觉得有些象人的东西,没有我所描述的空间感。
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
级别: 创始人
23楼  发表于: 2020-04-11  
ti
仰天曾大笑,低首更沉吟
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